Let us begin by deciding that winning isn’t everything. If you believe otherwise, stop reading. Why? Because if you’re the sort of person who will do everything in their power to win, well, you’re probably the kind of person who would figure out a way to jigger the game somehow. In short, a cheater.
If you’re not, then keep reading to see how you can promote a sporting environment in all on-line games. A healthy on-line atmosphere is good for all of us in the Mac gaming community.
Crushing Your Enemies
Winning a computer game is a rush. Let’s say you’re up all night, putting the finishing touches on those pesky computer civilizations in Civ II. Then you see your opponents being beheaded (play the game and win to see what I mean) before finally seeing your score flashed up on the screen. Aaaaahhhhhhhhh. Time to regret that all-nighter and go do another day’s fine work handling heavy equipment at the toxic waste plant...errrr, on the other hand, if you’re in that situation, you’d better call in sick after that all nighter.
But crushing HUMAN players? THAT is a rush and a half! Or whatever. So it’s you, some guy named Ten Toes of Terror [hey, it happens], some guy named Red Cinema, and a fellow who just doesn’t have the spirit of the thing called “Bob.” The galaxy is Large. The computer stand-ins are Diabolic. There are no alliances. Yes, it’s Spaceward Ho! as brought to you by Outland, and all those human opponents are scattered around the country if not the world. As you build your empire, you come into contact with your opponents. Red Cinema knows what he’s doing. So does Ten Toes. But Bob?
Bob is clueless. You check his rating. He’s got a low score, has won zero games, has lost six. He’s been part of Outland for only two days. So am I telling you to stop implementing your flawless six-part plan for galactic domination so you can write help notes to this guy? Am I telling you to lay off this guy so he doesn’t die right away?
Ah, no. How simple and naive do you think I am? Why should you jeopardize your score on his behalf? At most, I’m saying “maybe.” If you’ve got a spare second or two, and you see Bob being a real dork somehow, send him a quick word. If you can choose between two easy fights, don’t pick Bob right off the bat. Give him a few extra years to flounder. Hey, he has to pay his dues sometime.
At the End of the Game...
When the dust settles, pass on a few hints to Bob. Start with a question, so you don’t sound like a Mr. Smarty Pants: “Hey Bob, did you notice how I was colonizing planets during the same cycle of turns as I attacked and took them?”
”Yeah. How did you do that?” is the obvious response.
”Well, you build a slow colony ship and launch it at the same time. When you’re playing on 30 or 50 years a turn, that means your fast fighters arrive, shoot the place up, and then your colony ship arrives later. Of course, if you lose the fight, you lose the colony ship....”
”Hey! Thanks! Neat idea!”
Or perhaps you’re playing some kind of net twitch game (name your favorite here). Your tip might be something about how to spin and fire, or about how to jump, and so on.
What’s important here? Don’t gloat. Don’t lord it over the newbies. Pass on a little wisdom at a time. After all, what’s the point of dispensing twelve key hints at once...most folks won’t digest more than one good idea at a time.
Be A Sportsman
These hints are pretty basic. They are traditional rules of behavior that all sporting men and women should adhere to. Sure, it’s courtesy, not law, but we can go a long way on courtesy. Some other rules of thumb include not bringing newbies into a game where they will be meat on the table for a group of veterans, not whining when you’re the newbie and you’re the one getting shellacked—hey, it goes both ways!—, avoiding intentional cruelty (kind of like intentional roughness or the sort of thing that in basketball earns you a severe foul), and of course never, ever Cheat.
Oh, yeah. In that example above, you can count on Red Cinema to be using the “Gunboat” strategy.
